About the girlfriend thing.

[bubosquared]

Yes, I always said I didn't need a lover. I stil don't. I just. I want. Someone to love. Or multiple someones to love. Love as more than just friends, you know.

I loathe myself for this. It'd be okay if I was just crushing on a specific someone, but wanting anyone, any random person, to bestow my caring on? It's just ... so much not what I stand for. Gah.

I suck.

Comments

[paranoidschizo.livejournal.com]

Don't worry. We're in the same boat. That Kieth guy that I made out with and gave my number? I'm praying he calls with every ounce of my being. Ugh. I hate to think that I'm in lust because I'm not, but my stomach gets all cramped up when I think about having someone to hug and touch and kiss like I did last night.

Of course, he was tripping on three hits of acid before he met up with us, but I hope I waited long enough afterward so that I wasn't taking advantage of him. But he was so lonely! I was so lonely! It just made sense. His friend was rolling so that was no use.

So, you're not pathetic, and I hate myself for getting my hopes up. But the way he smiled at me at 6:00 when we pulled out of there with him on my lap... either he's a really good actor/bastard, or he really dug me. Damn it. My friend told me not to get my hopes up.

It's the human condition to want to love someone.

[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

It's not the need in and of itself, it's the feeling that anyone would do as long as I was able to love them as more than friends. It makes me feel so ... pathetic? Desperate? Something.

I hope things work out between you and Keith. :)

Re:

[paranoidschizo.livejournal.com]

That's what I mean! I feel so pathetic, because on one hand it was a party and it could be just a one-night fling. But on the other hand, it's got potential to be so much more. I'm trying to just keep it as something that was great while it lasted and try not to jump for the phone every two seconds. ::sigh::

Please please please please call, lol. ::being pathetic::

[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

You didn't ask his phonenumber?

He'll call. I know he will.