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Words cannot describe how little I want to go to work today.

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Well. That was rather anticlimatic. No ID checks at all. Huh.

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I want some good online tutorials on drawing manga/anime.

Any reccs?

In which I ramble.

Some weeks ago, we were having dinner at one of my collegues' place, and the phrase "eternal student" came up. And M. turns to me and says "That must be your worst nightmare, right?" And I grinned and nodded, because for the most part, it is. And yet, it isn't.

I've always been hungry for knowledge. Any knowledge. All knowledge. Ask my mum, and she'll tell you about my brother and mine "sex education", about how I would just want to know it all in one go, ask questions about everything, take it all in stride, and how my brother would nibble at it, take in bits at a time, digesting it, then coming back to ask more.

I like to learn things. I'm an 'intellectual', a scholar. I like to sharpen my mind, to aqcuire new knowledge. Any knowledge. All knowledge. And therein lies the problem. I don't have a passion, no direction in my life. Nothing I can point at and say "This is what I want to become."

There is writing, yes, and (to a much lesser extent) drawing. Imagining. Creating. The only constant in my life, the one thing I can point at and say "This is what I've been doing for over half my lifetime. This is something I still very much like to do. This is something I'm still improving at, something I can still improve at a great deal." But it isn't what I want to do for a living. For one thing, I want it to keep that air of "Whee, I get to write," and not become "Yay. I have to write, or I won't be able to pay my rent." For another, there is no way I'll be up to publishing standards (quality- or quantity-wise) within the next decade. Probably even two.

Online, when introducing myself, one of the first thingsd I mention is that I'm a writer. Online, I can say that, because online, 90% of the people I encournter are writers. There's none of the awkward silences one gets used to when talking about writing. Sae knows what I'm talking about. :) 'Writer' is a label I can apply to myself online, among friends, but it isn't something I can identify as towards the world.

Writing is my constant. It's always been there for me, and I'm hoping it always will be. But I need more. I need something else in my life to keep my brain from atrofying, and since I need sleep as well, my day job is gonna have to be what keeps me fresh. Keeps me going. And while I like this job for now, it's just not teaching me anything. It's not enthrallig the way (some) things were in high school.

I used to love history. Learning about politics back in the days, about army movements, about wars, daily life, intrigues, ... And algebra. Hated most of maths, but algebra I loved. No more satisfying feeling than finding a clean solution to a difficult equation. Mastering a language. Learning. Acquiring new knowledge, new skills. (I'm repeating myself.) I want to learn. I want to study. I want the satisfaction of holding a little paper saying I knos THIS much about a certain subject. I am highly superficial and rather weirded out by myself. Bah.

I want to go back to school. Study. Earn a degree. Several degrees. Just not full-time anymore. Not even part-time. Just on top of a job. (Heh. I'm a poet and I didn't even know it.) I just can't think of anything that I like enough to want to devote that kind of attention to for that amount of time. Because (lest I repeat myself) I don't have a true passion.

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My brain is glittery.

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Despite promising myself I wouldn't, I went on another AudioGalaxy binge. This time, it was The Smiths. I blame you. :p

In which I Do Not Work

*pose*

q!

REM's All the Way To Reno comes on MTV
- (mocking voice) Michael Stipe is a beast. Why oh why does my girlfriend like him so much?
- What's not to like?
- (m.v.) But he's like, sooooo gay.
- I think that's why she likes him so much.
(Steve, me; yesterday evening.)

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Is there any Judas Priest slash?

Important question:

Why?

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(Previous two questions were completely unconnected.)

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Bah.

(Edit: Should know better. Shouldn't let it bother me. Should, should should.)

Something my brain misread somewhere:

Drink your orange juice while it's blue.

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Happy Birthday, daznjonesy! May you find Tony Blair asleep in your bed tonight. (If you do, share the pictures?

And you too, shadowhawk! (Except for the Tony thing. Unless you like that sort of thing, too. ^_^)

To tsenft

This is the pin I told you about:

And this is my bag, for anyone who's interested:

Bwahahahahaha!

(Alt tag, people.)

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Since joanne_c's had her lists deleted from under her, an offer: I can host them on femgeeks. They'll be bot-based rather than having a web interface, but they're ad-free and no worries about TOSsing.

Just an offer.

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Am home. On AIM. Sae! Anybody! Come talk to me?