Sleepless in Scotland

Daily Food Post. Mmmm, nectarines.

Have decided that, since I'm still blocked on writing, I'm going to giev this drawing thing a go again. I'm blaming ruby_fruit for this, for the record.

Dear self,

You do not have the skills to even sort of build your own computer, and I don't care if it'd be cheaper.

Also, stop trying to grope the iPod. First of all, it's only a picture of one, and secondly, we do not grope electronics here, young lady.

And no, you may not buy a graphics tablet until you've at the very least worked your way through Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain.

Exasparated,
Your better half

So Sae was talking the other day about the whole artist-vs-writer thing, and it got me thinking.

It's not (just) that I don't have the talent or the skills for drawing -- that's part of it, although I've got more skills than I used to think, and I think with some practise I could be a fairly average-to-slightly-above-average artist -- but mainly that I don't have the drive. I never get the urge, the need to draw something, not the way I get urges to write something down.

And then, of course, there's the very simple fact that all I can ever draw are portraits, because while I usually have a clear image in my mind of how my protagonists look, I don't ever get image bunnies. Even when I write, I hardly ever actually see what's happening in my head. I'm not a visual person; I think in narrative and dialogue, not images. Very, very rarely, I'll get an image, but it's rarely as appealing as the words describing it. With Polar, for example, the only visual I really got was Ter's hand, with bite marks on it, and there's nothing really appealing about that unless you know the circumstances.

I'm the same with reading, too. One of the only mental images that are burned into my monkeys brain is the last scene from Shalott's Passing Through. Anything else, it's just the words sticking to my brain.

And that's all fine and dandy, but sometimes I really just want to be an artist, not a writer. Sigh.

I could go with one of my original plans and do a "Melle and Her Muses" type thing. Not the fanfic muses, but just the rest. Because I need something to entice me to draw on a semi-regular basis, and this seems okay. Hrm.

... la?

Today's a slow day. Catching up on some stuff I've been putting off for ages, like updating our mailing lists and database. I finally have coffee again! Yay with the hey!

Also, I have a headache, which is a bit concerning. It can't be a caffeine withdrawal headache, because it's been three days since my last cup. And I've been getting an insane amount of sleep lately (gone to bed before midnight three nights in a row, now!), so it can't be that, either. Frankly, I'm beginning to suspect I might have inherited more of my mother's migraine than I thought. Nooo!

This is not a completely out-of-the-blue suspision. I know I get bad headaches from red wine, which is a trigger for a lot of migraine-sufferers, including my mother. My mother used to have migraine so bad she'd be confined to bed in a dark, quiet room for days on end. (This is one of the few things I remember from my early childhood. She didn't used to have it that bad, but after I was born, thing got worse. Apparently it's hormone-related, because she got better when my brother was born, and hasn't really had an attack since the youngest one was born.) So, yeah, my mother has it, I think some of my aunts on my dad's side have it as well, and these headaches I've been having exhibit all the signs of mugraine headaches: the pain can last for several hours, even several days; it tends to be worse on one side of the head (oh, yes); it pounds/throbs (which is why I know it's not just a sinus headache, because those are much sharper); pain can be localized around one eye; pain disrupts, or is aggravated by, normal activity (any abrupt head movement causes it to flare. ow!); ...

I really, really hope this isn't actual migraine, and that if it is, it stays at this level and does not get worse, because the only way my mother got better was by giving birth to two sons, and that's a bit drastic for me, thanks. (Not to mention the risk of it getting worse by having a daughter.)

In more cheerful (sort of) news, all the Grammy-talk makes me sad I don't have TV anymore. Edge! Touching Bono's ass! Brian grabbing AJ's crotch! Argh! Wanna see! Want TV! Actually, I just want a VCR so I can have my parents tape what I want to see. There's maybe three hours of TV a week I want to see, and most of that is BBC stuff. I am Melle's complete disinterest in All Things Popular.

I kind of want to make a tarot set with all my original characters. ('This random bout of art-inspiration brought to you by sandradelete. :) It'd be a weird mixture of SF, furry, High Fantasy and contemporary, but well. I like the idea. Plus, it'd give me a concrete project to work on instead of just a vague feeling of "Must. Draw!"

... and now I want to get my tarot books and cards, which are still at my parents. Oi. I used to like doing tarot readings, even if I still can't bring myself to really believe in them. I'm weird.

Also have half-hearted desire to start writing/reading keyfic. Sae, this is your fault, dammit, with your recc for The Willow Key!

I like the response the "Are you?" t-shirt idea is getting. Especially since it mainly started as a little mantra to myself (and, partially, others) to put things in perspective. :) Get ready for more business, CaféPress. (Speaking of which, larean, did the credit for my Eye hart slash shirt show up in your account? Because I bought loads of stuff from the femgeeks store, and there's no credit in mine. *confused*)

Am reading hissyfits. I like muchly. Also, I think Kate says a lot of good things.

I bought a smaller sketchbook in London, which I will be taking with me to work tomorrow, so I can try to sketch some. The operative word being "try," naturally. I'm trying to figure out if I can do a group picture of Sean, Nick and Jesse. If not, individual portraits it is. And I seriously wouldn't mind actually getting some more work done on Ebony&Silver, but I think that's wishful thinking for now. Sigh.

In other news, I think I'm finally mastering this whole shutting up thing. Specifically, the part where I recognise a discussion isn't going anywhere, and just clench my teeth and let them have the last word, no matter how much it feels like kitten claws being driven into my brain. This is something I need to learn to do if I ever want to be a grownup. Or at least have a decent discussion with my mother. Yes.

On the phone with some bloke. Blardeblardeblar. You're telling me this why? Goddamn, people. I'm just a secretary-type person here, no need to tell me your entire life, much less your whole query, because little of it actually means anything to me, because I am not an EA and therefore have no actual knowledge of European funding shemes!

Bah. Lunch break over. Have to get back to work. But! I have a chocolate muffin that i'm not allowing myself to eat until this is done. So.

• Nutsoidz cast. Nora on the left (from my pov) looking at the rest, indulgently. Ulla next to her, leaning on her shoulder. Orim standing with Zita sprawled in his arms, giggling. Drake and Steve, brash, artms around each other. Inmar sitting down, corss-legged, working on his laptop. Tina being sexy, maybe looking down to see what Ingmar's doing. All at one, or in duos and then photoshope together? Or keep apart?
• Sean, Nick, Jesse. Portraits. Sean and jess w/o instruments. Nick maybe holding drumsticks.
• E&S stuff. Anything. Portraits, scenes, whatever.
• (Oddness. I have no image bunnies for the Shintaid. Not sure if this is good or bad.)
• LJ user icons.
• Mood icons?

(I need tips on how to draw non-white characters in animanga. Cause Jesse's asian and there's quite a few black, latino and asian chars in E&S. Help?)