About the girlfriend thing.

[bubosquared]

Yes, I always said I didn't need a lover. I stil don't. I just. I want. Someone to love. Or multiple someones to love. Love as more than just friends, you know.

I loathe myself for this. It'd be okay if I was just crushing on a specific someone, but wanting anyone, any random person, to bestow my caring on? It's just ... so much not what I stand for. Gah.

I suck.

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[bubosquared.livejournal.com]

But I wasn't feeling this need when I was actually alone. It wasn't until I'd acquired some real friends (Nat, Mol, Tri, Steve. Especially Steve.) that I started feeling this. That's why I'm confused.

It's also the knowledge that I onle know Steve IRL and I can't feel more for him than just friendship, and I don't know where to go to find someone that I can feel that for.

Yes, there's the GLB organisation, but my lesbian friend's told me that she had bad experiences with it. Apparently, punks and goths are not liked there, and guess what kind of girls I'm most attracted to? Yeah.

Also, I have problems connecting to people IRL. One of the reasons I think Steve and I clicked the way we did was because we 'met' online. I knew he'd read my journal and knew all there was to know about me, so I didn't have to work up the courage to tell him certain things about who I am, about my life.

Maybe I should start frequenting the Belgian glb chatrooms. Except most of them are Java and I loathe jave chats. And 90% of it seems to be sex-oriented. Hrm.

Never mind me, I'm waffling.