Religion

You know, one of the reasons I don't usually talk about my faith/religion is that I so often feel so much more removed from people supposedly sharing it than from people of other faiths.

See, I can understand atheism. I can, intellectually, understand that some people can look at the universe and believe there is no higher power behind all that. It isn't something I can really believe in, but hey! That's me, and it's purely based on gut feeling. Just like I think an atheist's gut feeling is that there is no higher power. Y'know? It all, in the end, comes down to gut feelings, and who am I to judge someone else's instincts?

I can understand atheism. I can understand wicca, and other pagan religion. Islam, Catholicism, New Age, ... I believe what I believe, and others believe what they do, and in the end, isn't it all supposed to be about being as much of a good person as we can?

What I can't understand is people who look out at the world, see all its beauty, all its wealth, and believe not only that god created this, but also that he will take it away from us because we don't worship him enough, because of who we love, because we allow "heathens" to live, or for whatever reason. I cannot wrap my brain around that, I just can't.

I believe in god, because I have an undeniable feeling inside me that there is a higher power behind this existence; because I can't not believe in god. I am Christian because I believe that Jesus Christ was the closest to a truly good person as any human will ever be, and that in order to be a good person myself, I should follow his example. I try hard to be good, and I think that most of the time, I'm not doing that badly.

I do my best. I try my hardest. And if I'm wrong, and god is indeed the petty bastard many "Christians" make him out to be, if I'm going to hell because I'm gay, because I don't (can't!) pray, because I mingle with pagans and muslims and atheists, then on my day of judgment, I will still look him/her/it straight in the (metaphorical) eye and go to hell with my head held high, because a god who will give me free will and then let the destiny of my eternal soul depend on wether or not I (basically) deny that free will is not a god in whose kingdom I want to spend all of eternity.

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Lucy (reggie_mbq) is mah hero! She writes with the Choey. I want to hug her and feed her cookies.

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I have an urge to write Roman!Sync. Odd.

Because you see, I've studied Latin for 6 years, and I was alway crap at the actual language, so I made damn sure I got all the points I could get on the one subject I was good at: Roman history. So now I have all this knowledge about Roman histoy, and government, and daily life, and stuff like that, and I want to do something with it!

And also, I think Joey would look really good as a Roman soldier (armour!) and I want to see the rest of them in toga. Because I'm like that. So there.

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Um, Time?

I'm ready for it to be Friday now. Really.

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*pokes friends page* Where is everybody?

Oh!

I have my Fake tape. ^_^ (Which means the TP package was my skirt, which is discontenting, cause I still don't have that. Grmpf.)

Hmski.

It would seem I am reading Homicide slash.

Grrr.

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So there's all sort of shit goin' down in boyband land, and as usual, I'm on the sideline trying to figure out what the hell's going on. As per usual.

I'm not being bitter or anything, cause hey, I know fully well that this is a consequence of my attitude towards fandom. See, I see the fandom world as a great big house. Lots of different rooms, lots of people in it, partyin'. Different rooms, different cliques, a number of diva's, a number of leaders, a lot of "average" fen. And me. I'm sort of sitting on a windowsill, from the outside, looking in. Talking to people who might wanna talk to me, happily, sometimes even daring to wander inside to get the attention of someone I really want to talk to, but never really straying too far into the house.

I don't like to get too involved with the inner workings of a fandom. Or any big group of people, for that matter. I'm very, very bad with people, and I'm tired enough from handling the handful of friendships I have now. Couldn't handle all these people, all the cliques, the back stabbing, the flame wars, everything. Also, I'm hardly ever into things that have such big fandoms. I mean, hey! This is the Melle of RareSlash fame here, people. ^_^

The one time I did get involved in a fandom to the point of being close friends with the "inner circle," I got myself burned to badly I learned my lesson good. No more.

Because rationally speaking, there's a lot of advantages to staying on the outskirts. I get the intense fandom talks without the politics or the cliquiness. I get the interaction with my readers (all what? five of them? hee!) without the pressure of a reputation or "Write more!"s. I'm a noble unknown in fandom, and that's the way I like it.

The only thing is that, as I said above, I'm always out of the gossip loop, which is rather frustrating. but eh. Small price to pay.

Meh

Collegue just invited everyone for beers at six. I'd like to go, but not now. My brain is dead. And I need to work on is.net tonight. And Sean is muttering obscenities in my ear.

Feh.

EEEEEEEEEEE!

I'mwatchingFAKE!

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I love FAKE. I love Dee. I love Ryo. I must aqcuire the manga's.