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[bubosquared]

And now, the episode that breaks me, a lot:

Ariel

Another lovely opening scene, with Jayne cleaning his guns, which I adore beyond the telling of it, because he's all concentrated and mmmm, and Simon is wearing an actual jumper! And trying to help Wash convince Zoe to go do stuff! Speaking of Wash, have I mentioned that I love it when he interacts with Inara? Hell, Wash even manages to banter easily with Simon, which is, like, a minor miracle or something. Also, Jayne licks his knife, aka the scene-bit that spawned a thousand exploding ovaries. I just. Licking! Knife! I'll be in my bunk.

River freaks out and cuts Jayne up, because "He looks better in red," which leads to Simon, Mal and Jayne indulging in a little UST (Homoerotic Triangle of DOOM!) in the medbay, and then Mal takes Simon apart for some privater USTing. Awwww, I bet Jayne was just jealous he didn't get alone UST time with Simon. He's not bad, people, just misunderstood!

Mal and Jaynbe casually playing horseshoes in the cargo bay strikes me as hysterically funny, somehow. Because surely, any Firefly class ship comes with a game of horseshoes, right? I bet they have, like, board games stashed away somewhere. Monopoly and Scrabble and whatsitcalled, The Game Of Life? (Jayne: *ends up with more children than can fit into the wee car, frowns*) And then Simon gets his scheming on, yay! I love the look Jayne gives him when he's talking about security over the hospital blueprints, he's all "Who are you and what have you done with Simon?" Also, the "We have some voluntyeers" bit--they're all little girls, I swear to god!

(Lalalalla Jayne isn't acting suspiciously, lalalala. WHAT DENIAL?)

Man, I can't believe they managed to find that med uniform in Jayne's size just like that. I'd have thought it'd have to be custom-made. And I love Simon trying to teach Mal, Zoe and Jayne the medical terminology, especially his look at Jayne when Jayne gets all frustrated. Awww. Boys, bless 'em. Montage happens as they all prepare for the heist, and I amuse myself by humming the A-Team theme music. Again, I make my own fun.

Oh, god, in the ambulance, Jayne rehearsing his lines so cute cannot BREATHE people! *wheezes* (And that is the coldest-looking hospital I've seen in a while. I mean, I hate white anyway, but that looks very non-conductive to the healing process, let me tell you.) Aw, Jayne looking all nervous with the two not-dead bodies. NO JAYNE DON'T CALL THE ALLIANCE DON'T DO IT WAH! Sobeth.

Mmmmm, heroic!Simon rawr. Even if he does look like a twat in that outfit. I just love how everyone stopss and stares at him while he does his life-saving thing. Because Simon is competent! And yells at the other, incompetent doctor despite the fact that said other doctor is, like, half a head taller than him. Simon doesn't care, dammit, he's angry and he's gonna tell this idiot off! I love him. So, apparently, does Jayne, who has a bewildered look of lust in his eyes as he stands and stares at Simon, one hand on River's shoulder. River smirks at him, probably knowing exactly what he's thinking. Heee!

Jayne looks really worried and more than a bit freaked out when Simon explains what they did to River. Aw. But it's too late now, the Alliance are coming for River and Simon already. Woe! Man, Jayne looks really good in that uniform, except for the stupid hat. And he looks so confused when they arrest him as well as the Tams, aw. And then they shoot him. WOOBIE!

Okay, Wash with the hat on backwards? Funniest thing ever, bwahahaha!

Aaaaand this is where Simon starts to get his hero-worship on, and poor Jayne doesn't know where to look from embarassement. Naw. "You know what I'd appreciate? If you'd stop flapping that pretty mouth at me." Come on, people, I'm supposed to resist that? This is almost canon now! It's the "nummy treat" of Jayne/Simon! Stuff happens, and Jayne ends up fighting one of the Alliance blokes, while Simon keeps the other guard occupied! See, he can be butch and herioc, too! Jayne should be proud of him.

Jayne, meanwhile, probably feeling guilty about this whole thing already (what? what other explanation is there?) gets all self-sacrificial while the Hands of Blue--okay, ew, with the blood and the deaths, and the EW! *winces* Jayne is almost as freaked out as River by this, and follows Simon and River down the maze of twisty passages all alike (... sorry), making himself useful by breking open a door, or at least trying to until the cavalry arrives and opens it for him. Yay, Mal!

Ohgod, I can't properly recap the next scenes, it hurts too much WAAAAAH! Simon and his hero worship! "He was amazing!" "Hey, you're part of my crew." This should make my little OTP-loving heart flutter in glee, but. Waaaaah! And Mal and Jayne! Noooo! "Don't tell 'em what I did." *sobs* I'll ... just be over here, wibbling quietly to myself, shall I?

Okay, now that I'm partially recovered:

War Stories

Heee, Simon. Big black moustache. Heeeeeee! Also, this Niska fellow reminds me of someone, and I can't put my finger on who. This is really annoying. Speaking of awww, I adore River and Kaylee beyond the telling of it, and Mal being all daddy-like, awww. Also:

Apples? I was going make some comment about how that seems a rather strange gesture for Jayne if he's secretly trying to make amends of some sort for his betrayal, but Jayne is pretty much all about food, violence, and sex (if he's lucky), so giving them apples is probably a big gesture for him.

Sigh, so true. Jayne is a simple man of simple needs, really. And see, he can be nice and generous and um. Feeling guilty, probably. But still! That proves he's human! See? He has feelings too, dammit! WOOBIE! Who, er, looks rather obscene eating an apple and perving over Inara and the councillor. I can't say I blame him for that last bit, to be honest. See, this is why I like Jayne! We'd get along, I mean, I'm happy as long as I get food and money and a roof over my head, and an opportunity to make smart-arse remarks. Give me some girls to ogle periodically, and I'm good!

I'm kind of "Feh" about the whole Wash/Zoe&Mal subplot going on, so I'm largely going to ignore it. Because these are my recaps and I'll ignore what I want to. So, um, there.

Although, Mal tackling Wash when people start shooting is giving me bad, bad ideas. Like, bunny-type ideas. (I wonder why Mal wa so insistent on geting Wash as pilot for Serenity, and how they even met in the first place, and SHOOT ME NOW!) And then there's Jayne and a tigh holster, and my coherence is pastede on YAYE! And the tight trousers he's wearing in the scene where they gather the money? NOT HELPING, PEOPLE! LalalalaLESBIAN! *squeezes eyes shut, sticks fingers in ears* And aww, all awkward as he tosses in his share of money. Bless.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you were going to ask me to choose, right? ou wanna finish?" I love Zoe. So much! And then Wash gets all determined and butch and "Bastard's not gonna get days," and I want to just lock him up in a room with a blankie and a lot of fluffy stuffed toys to cuddle for a few weeks. I think this may be the wrong time of month for me to be watching this series.

Mmm, Jayne lounging in the doorway. Sure, he's being all "You're all fucking insane about this assault, but you know he's gonna be going with them, because come on. Thrilling heroics! And even Simon is going, wearing a jumper in the same colour as the shirt that Jayne was pawing at in Safe. I'm so glad he's moving away from the vests, I can't even tell you. Anyway, clearly, Jayne must go with them, to ensure that Simon doesn't get killed, and to rescue Mal, so that they can continue with the Homoerotic UST Triangle of DOOOOOM.

Gunfight, wheeee! Things go boom, Zoe looks really fucking hot, Jayne gets shot, though thankfully not serious, Book is disturbingly good with a gun, Simon misses but at least tries, Kaylee is too scared to do anything, and River shoots three guys in defense of her girl. Awwww. Also, that shot of Jayne, Zoe and Wash taking out Niska? This would be why I think this threesome is hot as sin.

Okay, breaking my resolution to ignore the Wash/Mal&Zoe subplot because I do actually like this last scene. "Take me, sir. Take me hard." Hee hee. I love Zoe. And Jayne's "Oh, hey, free soup!" He's all gleeful and five about it! Socute!

A quickie, but there's naked and there's a resolution type thing for Ariel:

Trash

Nekkid!Mal! Man, Joss sure knows how to do opening scenes, heh. I do think most of this episode is kind of boring, to be honest, so this recap is likely to be kinda short. Sorry 'bout that, Saffron just bores me.

Oh, god. Shut up, Mal and Inara. Again.

Yay, it's Jayne and Simon and River! "She's a liar and she's not to be trusted." See, Jayne, you and River agree on something for a change! "I'll show her I got man parts." Hee, I'm sure you would, Jayne. Simon doesn't actually seem all that disturbed at the prospect. "Afraid. Not her, Jayne." Awwww. "Since Ariel. Afraid we'll know." Awwwww. I notice River doesn't seem too concerned that Jayne will sell them out again, just sort of amused about Jayne being afraid they'll find out. Awwww, bless.

Oh, god, Jayne looks so proud of Kaylee when she talks about reprogramming the bins. I love those two, they're so siblingly it's sickening! they make a good team, hovering about the garbage bin, and then Jayne goes and gets himself electrocuted and Kaylee, somehow, stops him from sliding down the ship. Damn, has she been working out? "Yes. I'll take care of it." Ooooh, I like omnious!Simon.

More plot bits. I continue not to care. Just stuff Saffron in the nearest rubbish bin and be done with it. Stuff the whole Mal/Inara thing down there while you're at it, actually. God.

Ah, there's Jayne and Simon again, much better. Oh, this is the confrontation scene, where Simon all but quotes the Backstreet Boys at Jayne (wrong boyband, honey) and tells Jayne he trusts him and suggests Jayne do the same and I think I need some time in my bunk, because me and my OTP are getting all weak in the knees. Also, I love Simon's comfy jumper in this scene. He looks all cuddly and awww. And Jayne's facial expressions in this scene are priceless. And River! Peeking in! She so plays Jayne like a harp, man. "Also, I can kill you with my brain." Hee hee hee!

And we end where we came in, with a shot of naked!Mal, chilling it up. Hee.

Last one for tonight, I think:

The Message

We open with Simon and Kaylee and a mutated cow fetus. Oh, give it up, you two, neither of you is fooling anyone. Gay! Lesbian! Seriously! Awww, Zoe's trying to mentor Simon. So cute. "Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?" Clearly, Simon just needs to go lick Jayne, who doesn't have much use for words, either. Simon looks adorable in a jumper that looks several sizes too big for him. Maybe he's already been licking Jayne and has now graduated to borrowing Jayne's clothes?

"My food is problematic." Awww, River. And Jayne is all proud of getting a discount, and the bit with the change makes me giggle like an idiot. And he's so proud of his letter from his mum, reading it out loud and sharing with everyone and awww. He's such a momma's boy, and he's proud of that, dammit!

Oh, and Mal and Zoe get themselves a dead guy. Man, and I thought I got weird surprise packages in the post. Is it me, or is flashback!Mal kinda really insane?

I love Book and Jayne bonding. Jayne being all introspective! And asking Book to read over him when he's dead, and awwwww. Also, hat! And "I'm sure you'll be around long after we're all gone." Awwww!

Bla bla bla Tracey comes back to life, starts attacking people, and Jayne just sits around being amused. Mal ends up sitting on naked!Tracey, who points out that he's naked in this "You're kinda in a position to embarass us both, here" tone of voice. Hm, wonder if there's history, there. Tracey tries to negate the subtext by giving Kaylee a Look. It's kinda cute, actually.

Plotcakes! Attacking! Jayne standing around with a tigh holster and HIS LITTLE HAT! More plotcakes! More LITTLE HAT! It's late and I can't quite muster up the interest in the rets of this episode, okay? I think the last two eps will be for tomorrow.