In time, Neville's remark made me snicker. And though the remark is not only humorous, it does break the seriousness of the story somewhat, and actually accentuates what comes after. Marcus waking up with Lee lying on top of him is just sweet, and hopeful.
Sometimes, Lee leans against him as they're leaning over the desk. Marcus supposes it's a start. Awww.
He's not allowed to go out in the field anymore, and it's hard to really focus on maps, so instead, he focusses on Marcus.
I like that, though I can't really explain why. It's that "meant to be" feeling again, I suppose.
And I love the ending (war). How Marcus wants to make up for his mistakes -- and in a way it's all he's got on the side of light, all that makes him respectable: the fact that he is a good strategist. And now he lost. And all those people he's not allowed to mourn.
I like how Lee doesn't allow Marcus to be gentle. I'm glad you did it like this, because I would have felt cheated otherwise -- they're not some sort of sappy romance, they just… are. I like Marcus's "well, he's got a point" for that reason, 'cause it may be clumsy and wrong, but it's just that which makes the situation perfect. Or perfectly imperfect. :-) And I like the contract of how it's at the same time different and the same, how it seems out of time -- it seems to say that they have changed, and yet, deep down, they're still the same people.
I don't know if you can change mistakes easily, or if you even care, but if you do, I picked up the following: In perspective He looks the exactly the same as the last time Lee saw him: back straight, neck and shoulders tense, every inch the Quidditch Captain.
He does what he's good at, watching and reporting, calling things as he sees them no matter whether people liked what he said. (I only think that should be a present tense…)
He called Flint on his faults, and earning himself the eternal hatred of most of Slytherin House
In time: then shakes his head at Marcus and mutters something about how corruption and filthy habits. (There seems to be a bit missing.)
Sorry, can't seem to keep myself from picking up stuff like that. Maybe because I make that kind of mistakes all the time myself. :-)
In time, Neville's remark made me snicker. And though the remark is not only humorous, it does break the seriousness of the story somewhat, and actually accentuates what comes after.
Oh, cool, I hadn't thought of that, but I did think that Neville needed to put in an appearance to sort of break up this impression that everything in this story 'verse is doom and gloom. Also, I like Neville, and I think he'd be a very good doctor, and quite competent even in the face of all the horridly wounded that would stream in during a war, I think.
Marcus waking up with Lee lying on top of him is just sweet, and hopeful.
Isn't it? For reasons I still cannot figure out, I do love this pairing, despite its absolute groundlessness.
How Marcus wants to make up for his mistakes -- and in a way it's all he's got on the side of light, all that makes him respectable: the fact that he is a good strategist. And now he lost. And all those people he's not allowed to mourn.
Exactly! I really do feel bad for Marcus for what I put him through in this drabble series, because yes, Lee's the one who got raped and mutilated (don't know if I mention it in the drabbles, but Bole cost him a finger as well, and a lot of scars), but Marcus is the one who takes his job personal, no matter what he tells himself, because every time one of his people dies, he knows he'll be held responsible, and he's holding himself responsible, too.
I like how Lee doesn't allow Marcus to be gentle. I'm glad you did it like this, because I would have felt cheated otherwise -- they're not some sort of sappy romance, they just… are.
Which is exactly what I love about them. They're a completely impossible pair, and in this 'verse especially they're both too hopelessly damaged to ever have a healthy relationship after the war, I think, but right now, they're right for each other.
I like Marcus's "well, he's got a point" for that reason, 'cause it may be clumsy and wrong, but it's just that which makes the situation perfect.
I agonised over that for so long, because I wanted to make it clear that Marcus wasn't saying that Lee deserved to be raped because of what happened between them at Hogwarts, but that he's not seeing the difference between what Bole did to Lee and what he did to Lee, that he feels guilty, because at this point, he's already so used to feeling responsible for every bad thing that happens that it's hard to stop.
And thanks for the pointers on typos and spelling mistakes, will fix those on the next update!
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From:
Re: Feedback, at last...
Sometimes, Lee leans against him as they're leaning over the desk.
Marcus supposes it's a start.
Awww.
He's not allowed to go out in the field anymore, and it's hard to really focus on maps, so instead, he focusses on Marcus.
I like that, though I can't really explain why. It's that "meant to be" feeling again, I suppose.
And I love the ending (war). How Marcus wants to make up for his mistakes -- and in a way it's all he's got on the side of light, all that makes him respectable: the fact that he is a good strategist. And now he lost. And all those people he's not allowed to mourn.
I like how Lee doesn't allow Marcus to be gentle. I'm glad you did it like this, because I would have felt cheated otherwise -- they're not some sort of sappy romance, they just… are. I like Marcus's "well, he's got a point" for that reason, 'cause it may be clumsy and wrong, but it's just that which makes the situation perfect. Or perfectly imperfect. :-) And I like the contract of how it's at the same time different and the same, how it seems out of time -- it seems to say that they have changed, and yet, deep down, they're still the same people.
I don't know if you can change mistakes easily, or if you even care, but if you do, I picked up the following:
In perspective
He looks the exactly the same as the last time Lee saw him: back straight, neck and shoulders tense, every inch the Quidditch Captain.
He does what he's good at, watching and reporting, calling things as he sees them no matter whether people liked what he said. (I only think that should be a present tense…)
He called Flint on his faults, and earning himself the eternal hatred of most of Slytherin House
In time:
then shakes his head at Marcus and mutters something about how corruption and filthy habits. (There seems to be a bit missing.)
Sorry, can't seem to keep myself from picking up stuff like that. Maybe because I make that kind of mistakes all the time myself. :-)
From:
Re: Feedback, at last...
Oh, cool, I hadn't thought of that, but I did think that Neville needed to put in an appearance to sort of break up this impression that everything in this story 'verse is doom and gloom. Also, I like Neville, and I think he'd be a very good doctor, and quite competent even in the face of all the horridly wounded that would stream in during a war, I think.
Marcus waking up with Lee lying on top of him is just sweet, and hopeful.
Isn't it? For reasons I still cannot figure out, I do love this pairing, despite its absolute groundlessness.
How Marcus wants to make up for his mistakes -- and in a way it's all he's got on the side of light, all that makes him respectable: the fact that he is a good strategist. And now he lost. And all those people he's not allowed to mourn.
Exactly! I really do feel bad for Marcus for what I put him through in this drabble series, because yes, Lee's the one who got raped and mutilated (don't know if I mention it in the drabbles, but Bole cost him a finger as well, and a lot of scars), but Marcus is the one who takes his job personal, no matter what he tells himself, because every time one of his people dies, he knows he'll be held responsible, and he's holding himself responsible, too.
I like how Lee doesn't allow Marcus to be gentle. I'm glad you did it like this, because I would have felt cheated otherwise -- they're not some sort of sappy romance, they just… are.
Which is exactly what I love about them. They're a completely impossible pair, and in this 'verse especially they're both too hopelessly damaged to ever have a healthy relationship after the war, I think, but right now, they're right for each other.
I like Marcus's "well, he's got a point" for that reason, 'cause it may be clumsy and wrong, but it's just that which makes the situation perfect.
I agonised over that for so long, because I wanted to make it clear that Marcus wasn't saying that Lee deserved to be raped because of what happened between them at Hogwarts, but that he's not seeing the difference between what Bole did to Lee and what he did to Lee, that he feels guilty, because at this point, he's already so used to feeling responsible for every bad thing that happens that it's hard to stop.
And thanks for the pointers on typos and spelling mistakes, will fix those on the next update!