(no subject)

[bubosquared]

Oh, dear, I seem to have digressed myself into the Midwest somewhere.
(Sars; Tomato Nation)

This cake is too distracting.
(My boss)

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
(Lily Tomlin)

Sometimes I go into my own little world. But that's okay, they know me there.
(Joel Hodgson)

I get e-mail, therefore I am.
(Dilbert)

It's funny how heterosexuals have lives and the rest of us have "lifestyles".
(Sonia Johnson)

If I had a life, I'd hate it.
(Rizzo; Muppets Treasure Island)

Didn't see the slash? That's like not noticing the dinosaurs.
(Someone, about Jurassic Park III)

It's surely one of the strange phenomena of this decade that the most thoughtful gift you can bring a date is not flowers, chocolates, or ankle-length pearls, but a note from your doctor.
(Linda Sunshine)

What is it with this universe? I keep running into Canadians.
(...you just might get it by Scribe)

I used to think it awful that life was so unfair. But then I thought, wouldn't it be so much worse if life were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we deserved them? Now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.
(Marcus Cole; Babylon 5)

Word of Advice: When life gets so dull that you jump up to fold laundry, ask someone you love to shoot you.
(Synonyms)

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
(Roseanne Barr)

Maybe all we needed was time to think things over. Probably not, I bet it was the great pasta we had been served for dinner. Pasta power.
(Spooks)

What can I say? My inner child is a crack baby.
(Spooks)

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.
(Stephanie Piro)

When I get old, I don't want people to say how sweet I am. I want them to say, "Look out, she may be armed.
(Anon)

I hold tight to my right to be a dysfunctional human being. Screw the self-help books.
(L.Burke)

What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist. Without the freedom to challenge, even to satirize all orthodoxies, it ceases to exist. Language and the imagination cannot be imprisoned, or art will die, and with it, a little of what makes us human.
(Salman Rushdie)

Sometimes, I think books are the only friends worth having.
(Suzie, Calvin and Hobbes)

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
(Mary Wilson Little)

- I've never seen you leave your computer before.
- I thought I'd get some air. Find out what's happening in the world. Is Nixon still president?
(Strenlich, Kermit, Kung Fu: the Legend Continues)

You know you really need coffee when you forget to make it.
(Anon)

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C.

The Russians used a pencil.
(Anon)

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.
(Garrison Keillor)

Stop staring at me like that. I have not lost my mind. At most I have momentarily misplaced it.
(Anon)

Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN!
(Calvin; Calvin And Hobbes)

I get sick of listening to straight people complain about, 'Well, hey, we don't have a heterosexual-pride day, why do you need a gay-pride day?' I remember when I was a kid I'd always ask my mom: 'Why don't we have a Kid's Day? We have a Mother's Day and a Father's Day, but why don't we have a Kid's Day?' My mom would always say, 'Every day is Kid's Day.' To all those heterosexuals that bitch about gay pride, I say the same thing: Every day is heterosexual-pride day! Can't you people enjoy your banquet and not piss on those of us enjoying our crumbs over here in the corner?
(Rob Nash)

Geology shows that fossils are of different ages. Paleontology shows a fossil sequence, the list of species represented changes through time. Taxonomy shows biological relationships among species. Evolution is the explanation that threads it all together. Creationism is the practice of squeezing one's eyes shut and wailing Does not!'
(Dr.Pepper@f241.n103.z1.fidonet.org)

Like Point Break, The Fast and the Furious is essentially a love affair, plentifully punctuated by action, between two men who inconveniently happen to be heterosexual.
(Anon)

There's no such thing as Real Life.
(Claudia Black at Scapercon 2000)

Can I just get a hit of intravenous caffeine so I don't have to be coordinated enough to drink it?
(Anonv The real differences around the world today are not between Jews and Arabs; Protestants and Catholics; Muslims, Croats, and Serbs. The real differences are between those who embrace peace and those who would destroy it. Between those who look to the future and those who cling to the past. Between those who open their arms and those who are determined to clench their fists.
(Bill Clinton)<p