(no subject)

[bubosquared]

I have an urge to go post earworm comments in random people's LJ's.

It's not the dog I hate, it's the name. What were they thinking? They've branded the poor thing for life. It's like those couples who name their sons Lance and then expect them to be straight.
From Capitol Queers by Fred Hunter

Still in all...we're pretty darn good at compromise. [Synchronik] loves Lance. I love Justin. We meet in the middle, knowing that we can always find common ground in the fact that JC is the sweetest, prettiest boy in the world. JC is like an olive branch for the world, but so far only a few of us have recognized it. If all nations would just meet with one another and agree that JC is a pretty little KITTEN, the world would be a better place. Somebody get me the UN on the phone.
(Dacey; LJ)

JoLa is the weed of slash. It makes you feel good, it's not complicated and anybody can do it. If it's good then you're happy and love everybody, but if it sucks then you crash, and there's no food in the house.
TimberTrick is coke. It can either liven you up a little or totally fuck your shit up.
JC/Lance is E. You think you're in heaven, everyone else thinks you're a freak.
JC/Joey are magic mushies. They take you on a wonderful journey, with very few side effects.
JC/Justin is aspirin. Good for what ails you in small doses. Anything more and you need your stomach pumped.
Chris/Lance is tequila. Tough to swallow, bitter at first but by the third or fourth shot it's sweet and awesome.
LambLove is heroin. You think you're okay, but the fact of the matter is that you're a junkie and no one likes you.
Chris/Joey is caffiene. Gets you wired and horny, and prevents migraines.
Justin/Joey is echinacea. Only a few people really believe it works, and for them it's a miracle drug, but the rest of the world just thinks it's some kind of weed.
Chris/JC is crack. Crack kills, but loads of people do it anyway, just to see what happens.
(Lois&Julad; LJ)

Randomly, I also think that if every word Chris Kirkpatrick has ever spoken in a public forum was really, secretly, scripted, well, hell. Someone deserves a comedy award. I mean, damn.
(Livia; LJ)

JC Chasez: He is a dork, but I find that endearing. Now, thanks to KD and WD, I have this image of him zipping around on his scooter after moles yelling "Come back! I need pants!"
(Catja)

"How come you're not in there?" Howie asked.
"Because last time we were here, that deejay was a dick to me," AJ said. "Remember? He was the one who asked if I really thought I could sing hard rock."
"Oh yeah." Howie nodded slowly.
"I thought about going in there and answering his questions and finishing every sentence with 'prick,' but Kevin would have a baby."
"Definitely. Good thing you didn't. And besides, this isn't a good time in the tour for Kevin to get pregnant."
(From Crush by Jericho)

He didn't want to, but Chris knew right away when Justin got up from his nap. He didn't want to because it was faintly repulsive, and also faintly typical: not only was Justin, like, ten years younger than him (that was the repulsive part), but it was just too teenybopper stupid to have a crush on Justin Timberlake, pop star. It was too foolish. Chris thought maybe he should go out and buy some stickers to put on his fucking folders or something. He felt ridiculous.
(From On The Bus #13 by Syncronic)

Oh, then he [AevilSteve] is a creepy psychotic who apparently has traded his soul to Satan to gain clairvoyant powers to further his evil Belgian plans. Know who else is Belgian? Bert Lams, but he uses his Belgian powers for good.
(Daina)

I tried to keep in touch with reality, but it got a restraining order.
(JIM; rhod)

-You misspelled "'yperbole." HTH. HAND.
- I thought that was where they played the Belgian cup final.
(Ian Davis, Lurker Praps; rhod) (AKA Melle can't resist quoting Belgium-jokes.)

- Day One: Rang bell, dog ate food. Very happy.
- Day Two: Bang dog, fool ate well. Not so happy. Day Three: Hang fate! Hell, ate dog. Very sad.
- Next on RHOD: Pavlov on crack.
(Richard Wilson, Kevin Kelley, Dan Macks; rhod)

Look, it's an emoticon orgy.
(Someone; rhod)

I just referred to coffee as a person. I think its time to find another drink of choice.
(Matt; AIM)

At this point, her Huff arrived, whereupon she departed in it.
(CiCi's sig; rhod)

The real meaning of an apostrophe is "Look out! Here comes an 's'!!" (Tom "Tom" Harrington; rhod)

- Not wishing to defend the excesses of the PC censors (bring back the Robinsons Golliwog, I say), but some years ago a Dutch multicultural magazine printed a number of panels from "Tintin in Africa" (which I believe is out of print there), without comment. I have to admit the colonial attitudes and racial stereotyping on display were quite arresting seen in that context. And old Herge was merely reflecting the mores of his time. Then again, I read a lot of Tintin when I was little, and I don't think I harbour any subliminal urges to go out and conquer the Belgian Congo. Burkina Fasso perhaps, but not the Belgian Congo...
- Ah, but that's how it starts, y'see? First it's just conquering Burkina Faso, as a single, isolated event. But once you've done that, you start thinking, hey, I might as well knock out Ghana and Benin while I'm at it, right? And once you've to them, well, Togo's right between 'em, so the next thing you know you're conquering again. Soon it's not just small countries. You want more, more, more. You realize that Mongolia seems like a pretty easy target, and down it goes. And then, well, you're right next door to Russia, aren't you? And they're in economic disarray, so it's not as hard as you might expect. But it's not enough. In a power-mad stupor you attempt to conquer China.
Finally, a few hundred million people manage to make you come to your senses. You enter a rehab program. It's a long, hard trek back from conquering addiction.
Hi, my name is Tom, and I have not conquered a country in six weeks....
...it all started when I read this comic book about a guy named "Tintin", and his dog "Snowy".
Kids: JUST SAY NO TO TINTIN. It's not worth it! Friends don't let friends conquer countries!
(Richard Wilson, Tom "Tom" Harrington; rhod)

- That's it! If you watch Teletubbies, you don't NEED drugs, because it's just like being stoned! And it's perfectly legal! All the hallucinations and none of the side effects! Well, aside from a tendency to shout "Again! Again!" every time you see something cool.
Just wait for the public service announcements:
"This is your brain." (announcer holds up an egg)
"This is your brain on Teletubbies." (announcer holds up a bizarrely decorated Easter egg)
"Any questions?"
(Tom "Tom" Harrington; rhod)

- Which reminds me of the factoid I once came across that Australia has more species of poisonous animals than the rest of the world put together. God was probably trying to keep it his own country.
- What do you make of the fact that the USA apparently has more lawyers than the rest of the world combined?
- A paper airplane.
(Richard Wilson, Tom "Tom" Harrington, Lars Clausen; rhod)

Verification | Process of making something exceedingly something
Spectator | Contraction of "spectacular potato"
Innoculate | Residing in an eyeball
Fungus | What just walked out of my fridge
Skull | Multi-orificed sex-toy
Teethe | Olde English for the sharpe parts of the sex toy
Plush | "+", after a lot of beer
Photograph | A plot of the amount of film used over time
(Dan Mack; rhod)

(Half of these are solen off of Ang's quotes page. Sorry, Ang!)