Random SL musings vol #5 (I think)

[bubosquared]

Easy:

"Aww, that's so sweet of you, Sean-baby," Jesse teases. I glare at her. She sticks out her tongue. Yeah, we're all very mature.
...
"Yeah. I just ... I don't know. I think I'm just turning into a girl or something. Shit."
...
I don't think I've ever been this embarrassed in my life. And they're laughing at me. Fuckers. I decide to just hide behind my menu and wait until they find something else to talk about. By the time the waitress comes to take our orders, they're discussing the social merits of Mrs. PAC Man.
Why am I in this band again?
...
"Hello, yourself." My hands find their way to his hips. Suddenly, I don't feel tired at all anymore. I'd gladly stay awake until I die of sleep deprivation, if it means I could just touch him for a few days.
What was I saying about turning into a girl? Yeah.

So yeah, I like Sean. He's snarky, and self-relativating, and that's an ability I often miss in myself. And, thusly, in Jesse. (Okay, where did "thusly" suddenly come from? I have a scary vocabulary -- but that's another entry's worth entirely.) This sort of hit me when I was re-reading Here And Now before starting to type in Easy (because otherwise I wouldn't notice stupid glaring plot contradictions, like having Jesse stretch her legs over Nick and Sean's lap three times, as she does in the first version of this thing) and I noticed how Jesse's sort of ... detached from everything, including herself, and I thought it was the style, but it kinda comes through in Easy too, in places, and um. It's kinda making me weary of writing the next Jesse-pov story. (Also, am far too fond of the word "weary. More vocab issues.) Sean, on the other hand, is v. grounded in reality, for lack of better words, and thinking about it, maybe it's the other way round, and it's Jesse who's grounded in reality, immersed in it, while Sean can look at things from outside and be amused and mock them, and himself. Yeah, that's actually more like it. As for Nick, he's somewhere in between the two of them. He's also quite insane, which was a surpirse to me, because form Jesse's POV (what we see of in in Here And Now), Nick's the wise, sensitive one, and Sean's the silly one, and through Sean, we see Nick's silly side, too. Ho hum. Also, we learn that Nick has point elbows. Who knew? I didn't, but apparently Sean did, and he felt the need to insert it into the story without consulting me first.

Woa, look at the run-on paragraph, mom! So yeah, to recap, I like Sean, Jesse's immersed in reality, Sean can mock his life and likes to run with stories, Nick can be silly and has pointy elbows, and I have vocab issues.

Also. I've noticed that Nick is the only one who calls Jesse "Jess". There's some story or something behind this, but Jesse doesn't like to have her name shortened. It involves the assumption that "Jess" would be a shortenage (more vocab issues!) of "Jessica", and Jesse, like myself, has gender issues. Apparently. But my point is, even I call her Jesse, so why is it okay if Nick calls her "Jess"? Why? I'm being shunned by my Mary Sue in favour of a figment of my imagination. I'm quite miffed here. I must go pout mightily.

(And if anyone but Sae ever reads this, his is a one-way ticket to the loony bin right there. Good fucking god.)

Right. On to more important things. Smut. This was my first non-fanfic smut, and um. I'm quite happy with it. It has ... punch. Not literally, obviously. Not yet, anyway. (I really need to stop with the foreshadowning. Dammit. Sorry, people. Also, more on that in a moment.) It's original, as in, it's a position I've never written before (frottage with a side dish of handjob, mmm), and it's, if I say so myself, quite realisticly like I imagine a first time to be like. Kinda weird, but sweet, and not lasting long. And yeah, most first times would've been more with the fumbling and less with the mind-blowing orgasms, but you have to keep in mind these two've known each other for their entire lives. While I'm v. weary (again!) of the One True Love That's Meant To Be notion, I do believe that after seventeen years, there's not that much of a need to fumble.

Or maybe I just love them both too much and couldn't bring myself to make their first time sucky in a bad way, and now I'm justifying myself. Either or.

Incidentally, I've just made a $5 bet with myself that I'll be adding more to this entry between now (when I'm posting this private) and when you lot read this (after Easy's been beta'ed and you can all actually read it, theoretically.)

(Edit: look at that. I lost. Ro won, depending on your viewpoint. Ho hum.)