Yo,
ruby_fruit, have you been hitting my muses with your Het Writing Stick? *glowers at Certain People*
ETA: Um. Note to self: You've a shitload of things to do today, so reading porn is not the best of ideas. Seriously.
ETA²: Second note to self: Also, if you're going to insist on reading non-recced stories, at least have the good sense to listen to your instincts when coming across a story entitled Beanie Baby with the summary "Orli makes a birthday request." Because it is EXACTLY what you're thinking! *twitches violently*