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I'm having an urge to fiddle about with PhotoShop today. And HTML. Maybe I'll do the whole change-all-icons-and-mood-theme-and-revamp-web-site thing today. I need something mindless, something where I know that if I do something wrong it'll only fuck up a layout and I can actually go back and fix it.
(And this is why I don't do this whole interpersonal relationships thing, because I cannot "read" people in even the most rudementary way, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm walking through a swamp where everyone but me knows the safe path to travel.)
(</random angst moment, possibly to be expanded upon later>)
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Sigh. Life was so much easier when I was "Wait, you have breasts?" girl.
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<--is a simple elfie, easily read.
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I think the problem is that I was just never properly socialised. The fact that I am speaking of myself as if I were some sort of puppy probably proves that. Ahem.
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*hugs*
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I know the feeling. I'm the worst at reading signals, which makes me alternately uncomfortable and oblivious. Sometimes both at once.
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Why are there no courses on this sort of thing, dammit?
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I put a picture of my 'breasts' on www.flashyourrack.com, they score an average of 3.60, not bad for a man I'd say ;-)
So who is having breasts here. I sort of invited you for a movie because I thought my heart would be safe around you, after this, I'm not so sure. You're not saying you're questioning your gayness, if I'm reading this right, and I've seen said breasts on pictures at least twice, but then I'm a nudist and I've lost count of the number of breasts I've seen. It appears like you have noticed that the aforementioned friend might get his hopes up too high with you because of you leading them on.
I think the line is with the friend himself. I may want to throw a peek at the tattoo at most, but apart from that I'm mostly interested in your writing and to joke about/invent new movie scripts while watching some. But then I haven't seen you try to lead me on, I may be underestimating both myself and you :-)
I've seen gay male friends of mine hanging out with women, and I must say, I don't see any straight guy getting away with so much as he did. I think it's wonderful that a gay person can still be merry with a person of the other sex, and when you know for yourself that there is no catch from your part behind all that. I don't see how it can be a problem for you.
The problem will probably be that if your friend has a problem with your platonic advances, you'll first have to notice it, and then act accordingly. I'm not a psychiatrist, and I think even these guys would have a problem with it.
I'm trying to help here but I can't figure it out myself. I know you're gay, sitting on my chair here I don't see an immediate problem in hugging/being rough, and personally I wouldn't mind being reminded to the fact that you're gay, in case you would think things are running out of hand. But that's just me, someone else might get hurt or offended if you do that, I don't know. I've gone out with a group of gay women, of which I knew one. Putting my arm on her shoulder and my jacket over her head to lead her trough the rain was no problem at all, she actually kissed me goodbye, although I must admit that at that point, she hadn't hinted me to the fact that she was gay yet, I think. In fact it only got trough to me a few months after we stopped seeing eachother, not everyone is as open about it, as you are probably aware.
Anyway, trying to come to a point here, if woman can live with gay men kissing them, hugging them, lying on top of them in the grass, like I've seen with my own eyes, I don't see a problem with gay women doing to same to straight men, period.
The question is are you both comftable with it, which brings this right back to where we started. It's a personal thing, I don't know you, I don't know your friend, I'm sure it can work when you both have the right mindset about it. If he really is a good friend then I would suggest throwing the issue on the table and discussing it like adults. I know that's hard to do but it's the only thing I can come up with at the moment. Just tell him you're having a problem with it and ask his opinion, I don't see how that can harm a solid friendship, but please don't shoot me if this turns out not to be such a good idea after all. If I was really that good at mending relationships, I would probably still be in one right ?
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Ahaha! That's not bad at all!
So who is having breasts here. I sort of invited you for a movie because I thought my heart would be safe around you, after this, I'm not so sure.
It's ... kind of difficult to explain. As you said, I'm not questioning my own sexual orientation, but er. I've had some bad experiences (okay, one, but still) with guys not always remembering that just because I'm pretty physical with my friends--cuddling, thwapping on the head, that sort of thing--that doesn't mean I'm attracted to them. And I'm not used to having to take that sort of thing into consideration, is the main problem. In secondary school, I was "one of the guys", and I wasn't really friends with anyone but one person to the extent that I felt comfortable around them. (Long and mostly irrelevant story there. It took me a long time to really form friendships again after I was about fourteen.)
Basically, I don't mind if guys, even guy friends, admire the way I look, and there's this guy I met at the LARP who's fun to be around and all, and yeah, he's kind of a letch, but the fun kind, and he's done nothing to indicate that he's "forgetting" I'm gay, but as I said, I've had a bad experience with it, although that friendship dissolved due to other issues in the end.
And I'm sure that just made no sense at all. :D
I'm a nudist and I've lost count of the number of breasts I've seen.
Hee! Same here, dude, and I think perhaps part of the problem is that I've never been influenced by that whole "any touching between men and women = SEX!" attitude, so I tend to not realise that's not the case for everyone, hence my fear of leading people on.
Add to that the fact that I'm socially inept as hell, and you've got a recipe for potential disaster. Although, I could just handle the physical thing the way I've been doing with the social ineptness and explicitly tell people about it once we're friends, the way I usually warn people "If anything I do offends/hurts you, please just tell me about it, because I never know when I'm saying inappropriate things. I promise I won't get angry with you, and I will listen." I'm not insensitive, I just don't seem to pick up on any signal more subtle than "Okay, that kinda hurts, could you not say/do that again?"
It appears like you have noticed that the aforementioned friend might get his hopes up too high with you because of you leading them on.
Well, as I said, not in this specific case, not yet, but I'm a bit paranoid, which kinda sucks because I do like this guy, and rationally, I realise that he's given me no reason to suspect that his "Ooh, boobies!" is anything more than just appreciating the scenery (er, so to speak <g>), which as I said I'm fine with. But the paranoia is making it hard for me to really relax around any guys anymore, really. :/
Which isn't to say I'm not willing to try, because dammit, I need to stop being shy around new people, and we really ought to meet up at some point before I leave the country. :)
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I guess it's paranoia too. I don't feel like I'm actually doing something. In fact I talked with that guy for like 5 minutes about random subjects before he popped that question, and now it's been like each time a guy comes up to talk to me, I'm expecting that question to follow, and I want to keep the conversation as short as possible.
It's been improving the past few years, little by little.
You should explain "socially inept" in Dutch to me, if you can, I don't feel like I really get what it means, even from the surrounding context.
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