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bubosquared) wrote2002-10-07 10:20 am
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My mother's parents separated nearly twenty years ago. They divorced a little over ten years ago. Up until, oh, last week, the division of their possessions still wasn't done, because they were effectively not talking to each other. (And there's a bunch of issues about that whole thing as well, but I'll keep my materialistic side in check for now.)
I don't remember him at all. I was barely three when he left my grandmother. My brother was six months old. He's never even seen my youngest brother. I was eight or nine by the time I realised that I couldn't simply not have a grandfather on my mum's side, and when I asked my mother, she told me that I did have one, but that he lived in Antwerp (which seemed like the world away to me at the time) somewhere. I remember asking why he never came to see us, or even just sent us a birthday card or anything. Mum says she didn't know. I didn't find out until much later (a few years back, in fact) that he actually flat-out denied he had any grandchildren, quite basically because my mother (and her brother) "sided" with my grandmother over the seperation -- and by that he meant that they were still talking to her.
(Yet another reason to be thankful for a relatively sane family: I will never ever have to sit in a car and explain to my eight-year old daughter that my father, her grandfather, refuses all contact with us. I will never have to go twenty years without seeing my dad.)
He wants to see us. I'm not sure how I feel about this.
Part of me is shrugging, "You don't know this guy. He's never really been a grandfather to you. Why should you want to get to know him? He never will be a grandfather to you, and you have nothing in common with him, so he really can't even be a friend. He denied you even existed, for nearly twenty years. Why?"
But another part of me is thinking, "He's my grandfather. And I want to know why," which makes no sense even to me.
I probably will end up going to meet him, but I'm making some rules for myself. I'm not going to lie to him. Last time he saw me, I was a three-year old blonde little tyke. Now, I'm, well, me. Nearly twenty-two, haven't seen my natural hair colour in almost two years, pierced and tatooed, and gay. When I go see my dad's parents, I cover my tattoos, and I bite my tongue when the subject of boyfriends comes up, becuase they're old and they deserve to live their last few years without yet another scandal in the family. He doesn't deserve that courtesy. If he wants grandchildren, he'll get a punk/goth dyke granddaughter, and he'll have to accept that. And I can't call him grandpa, even though calling him by his first name will be weird too.
I don't know. I just want this whole thing to go away. I'm more upset about him wanting to see us again than I ever was about him not wanting to see us.
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One thing I know for sure: I'm always here if you want a friendly ear, Mellebelle. **hugs**
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You don't owe him anything, but if you want to meet him for your own curiosity's sake, that's different. Your attitude sounds like the right one - you should be yourself, no cammoflage. I hope if you do meet him you can get real answers to the 'why' - that's got to be the biggest niggling question.
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I get my stubborn character and quick temper from my mum. She gets it from her father.
I know part of why he ignored us was because the woman he left my grandmother for demanded it. The reason he's now getting back in touch is because the woman he's with now told him to get his ass in gear and call, if he really wanted to see his children and grandchildren again.
I think that's the bottom line, for me. I want to be a better person than he was, and give him a second chance, and I want to understand why.
(Although there's a niggling fear of rejection, which is stupid, but you know.)
Proof that slash rules my life.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
And thanks.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
I also seem to be writing a post-war Draco gen-with-hints-of-Draco/Hermione thing. It's quite fun, but he's a little more subdued than I think is realistic. And I decided I don't want any Harry/Draco in it, because I want to underscore that Harry is not the center of the universe.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
Well, if it's post-war, it's not that unrealistic for him to be subdued. And harry is so not the center of the universe. Yes.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
But he's too subdued. Or maybe the word I'm looking for is numb. He doesn't seem to feel much of anything, except this vague concern for/curiosity about Astra (the OC who's latched onto him). Every once in a while, he gets angry or sad about something, but he doesn't actually do anything about it.
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
(The Harry in my current WiP does the same thing. Thankfully, it's Draco's POV, so I only have to deal with Draco's annoyance at Harry's numbness. Heh.)
And yeah, but the thing about XF is, I've actually read a bunch of good stories in that fandom, but for some reason the actual show just never clicked with me. Which is odd, because it's the kind of show I should like, with the darkness and the gore and the myth arcs and the backstory and the whole complicated universe to be explored, which is what's kept me so fascinated with Harry potter (and S:AaB, as wel) for so long. Except, no spark. (Well, except for that episode back in ... 1998? when I downloaded the Kiss clip and watched it about a hundred and twelve times. But, you know.)
Re: Proof that slash rules my life.
This is all third person limited to Draco, so I don't even have any of the characters noticing it.
X-Files seems like a really cool show, but on watching reruns, I've realized that Mulder is pretty ridiculous, not to mention the severe decline in quality after the movie came out.
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