I'm impressed! I love the idea behind it and the way all the sins fit in. It's long, it's meaty (in the most innocent sense of the word), it's exciting, it's satisfying and I like the dialogue. Well done, you. Wish I had that sort of devotion to an individual project - I flit from one to the next, stopping when I reach a hard bit.
The only criticism I've got is that it seems to go a bit too quickly - in the later parts, it flits from one scene to the next before the fast reader has time to get settled into it. Yes, it quickens the pace, but the large number of characters also proves a little confusing, even in a piece this long. Unfortunately, I can't give any helpful suggestions towards extending it. Although I write lengthily, if I'm advised to extend a scene I simply can't do it; they find their own lengths as I go along.
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The only criticism I've got is that it seems to go a bit too quickly - in the later parts, it flits from one scene to the next before the fast reader has time to get settled into it. Yes, it quickens the pace, but the large number of characters also proves a little confusing, even in a piece this long. Unfortunately, I can't give any helpful suggestions towards extending it. Although I write lengthily, if I'm advised to extend a scene I simply can't do it; they find their own lengths as I go along.
Anyway, congratulations!
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dude.
*applause*
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